Dear World, have you gone mad?


Dear World,

Thank you for the good times so far. Thank you for my caring parents, loving family, and the life experiences that showed me my terrible struggles were little more than teacup storms.

I dodged slavery, two world wars, famine, racial oppression, Jim’ll fix it and other human hazards, and to date I’ve not even been the victim of localised flooding. I’ve been chased by a snake, fallen drunk out of a tree, been bitten by a monkey, knocked unconscious by a homemade bomb (litter bin and petrol), knocked off my bike, come off my motorcycle, and called my boss a tosser – with impunity. Perhaps I am invincible and super lucky. Why then do I feel so vulnerable just because one D. Trump won an election in a country thousands of miles away?

Well world, it can’t be because Mr Trump has done something. He’s done nothing so far, he’s not even President yet. If my unease is not because of him, then it’s because of what his victory represents. I don’t mean a victory for narrow-minded bigotry, small worldview, isolationist stance; not even cave man misogyny; these are traits we all know about him, things he doesn’t try to hide. No, what worries me is that knowing all these things, millions of people still think he is a better candidate than all of his opposition.

We think Donald beat Hilary but he didn’t. He beat everyone. Dear world, the majority of people in the world’s most powerful nation have just elected Donald Trump as the best man they have to lead them. Wow! Not one person better than D. Trump could be found in America? Dear World, you have gone absolutely mad. What next? Since you’re absolutely bonkers, here are a couple of things you could try:

1. Let North Korea develop the missile program so its leaders have the ability to strike at any nation in the world. The USA is now a guardian of pure self-interest, and we always thought Russia was a tad unreliable. Dear world, perhaps mass nuclear proliferation is the only way nations can guarantee their safety from aggressive, isolationist or expansionist leaders. Give it a go, why not?
2. Put Africa and Asia in a closed economic union that refuses to trade with the rest of the world. The imbalance in the terms of trade for these poorer continents will only get worse. America, Europe, and all the rest, are on a path of protectionist self-interest. Africa and Asia would be stupid with a capital S not to retaliate, and retaliate early. Perhaps China can help with point 1 above. They seem to be doing little about N. Korea, why not do some proper, positive harm instead of this slow-burning, tedious cyber hacking nonsense?

And finally, dear World, please let me win the lottery of all lotteries, so I can invest in space travel with Elon Musk and emigrate to Mars. Dear world, you’ve been good to me so far, but you’ve gone completely off your rocker.

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