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Stop messing with my mind!

The phone rings and for one of a dozen reasons I can’t take the call. I hit the kill button (as I call it) and divert to voicemail. Five minutes later... My thumbprint rouses the phone from its slumber and the red dot over the handset icon tells me it has something for me. I tap a small square, discover my caller’s identity, listen to my voicemail, delete it, and return to the main screen. This time I think, this time. The f***ing red dot is still f***ing there! I can’t stand it! I need to find the programmer responsible for this travesty; this abomination… Breathe Dele, and remember what the therapist told you about not scouring the Internet for rifles, sniper scopes and Apple iPhone develo

Michael Gove speaks - the Lizard Lord returneth

Michael Gove, a man whose face looks like a deflated balloon you’d find behind the sofa six weeks after a kiddie party, went on the Andrew Marr show to reveal his monstrous personality. This is the same man the whole world recognised as a backstabbing reptile not so long ago, and therefore is naturally a Cabinet Minister in Teresa May’s government. Gove, the smug reptile, found it necessary to support Boris Johnson, his former arch nemesis, but couldn’t find the humanity in him to repeat what Boris had been forced to say: that Nazanin Zaghari-Ratcliffe was on holiday in Iran when she was arrested and imprisoned, and not training journalists as Boris had previously said. When I say Gove could

It's official - Tillerson is dumber than a bag of hammers

Donald Trump’s recent assertion - that he had a higher IQ than Secretary of State Rex Tillerson - got one group of software developers wondering – just how high is that? Having drunk a couple of tins too many and spent a day arguing over theorems that might prove Heaven is hotter than Hell, Ezon Fyre of E Cripes Inc. and his software development team were in the mood for more of their unique brand of speculative analysis. The question was: where to start? They started by researching Donald Trump. A quick flick through Google revealed: He thought more people attend his inauguration than any other president’s. He fired the head of the FBI but the agreed upon story for why he did so was beyond
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